Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sacrifices are for the Strong.

YB Ayra Rayyan Muhammad Afiq on tour of her constituency In Bota Perak. For Aidiladha, Ayra made the noble sacrifice of giving up a much needed vacation for the sake of her voters. ;p
This AidilAdha we made the usual trip down to the Silver State. My Opah's house looks good here but actually the caretakers have not TAKEN GOOD CARE of it. Kesian.Kesian Kesian. 
pic is courtesy of second cousin Zakuan Azizi ( eh betul ke your name ni aku main hentam aja.) 
Sungai Perak in all its glory, is just behind my Opah's house something that I will always brag about !! ;-) especially to the H who has no 'kampung' because he is a 'budak KL' whatever * roles eyes* And yes I was not in traditional attire for Aidiladha because we were travelling and I can't stand not being comfortable.Its one of my priorities, I need to move and feed my toddler . Plus I feel silly buying baju raya for two raya's. Am not ten years old. 
Yes. I  have my shades on because it was hot and because * aku rasa ultra cool with shades on especially in hot places and not in the bright lights of a mall * ;ppp
Picture is courtesy of the newlyweds - Shab and Zaid's camera and ehem talented photog and cousin Aiman! ;p

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Cerekarama - Drama - Mama

Well. The title of this post should be able to explain it all.
But am going to bore you to tears with the details anyway. Yes because am lame like that.

Yesterday the drama at ( where else? ) the office reached an all time high due to a century old problem - Communicating - A simple task a media organisation should be an expert at. But what the organisation am working at has failed to do.

Why are we scared of being honest when there is a danger of hurting some one else's feelings. Conflict is tough, but like creases you iron it out and you MOVE ON. Or else the grievances accumulate, snubs, slights, and wars.

The recipe is often simple talk it out.

NO ONE BLOODY talks to each other, and problems simmer beneath fake smiling faces and polite greetings.I can't stand the negativity of it all, because in the end the real stuff the genuine stuff gets lost in the mess.

I was a naive rookie reporter once, I want to get back to that. Now am just a jaded junior reporter- which is not what I imagined my career in writing to be.I want to feel enthusiastic and be passionate about my work  again because at the end of the day despite everything that I have to face I cannot imagine myself doing anything else but writing.

Or maybe I should start imagining NOW? 

Isn't that just sad? Don't call me complacent am just unsatisfied with the situation as you are, But I LIKE to look at the big PICTURE. I don't want to be too jaded that I can't see the silver lining anymore.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My New Baby!

Hello. Please meet my new baby:


After deliberating for SO LONG, I finally managed to open a very small blogshop, which sells syria hijabs, cute tops, pre-loved items and accessories. Its also sort of my personal lookbook where I share style inspirations and my observation on hijab fashion.

I remember how hard it was for me as teenager to follow the dresscode. I always felt torn on whether to wear it or not, or to just follow peer pressure. I felt there weren't enough role-models I could look up to when it came to   following the dress code but being fashionable at the same time.

Am so glad that young girls no longer associate donning the hijab with being boring and slightly ' makcik-ky' for lack of a better word. I feel inspired everytime I see a hijabi ( girls wearing the hijab) dressing creatively and coming up with such cute looks! 

Although we still battle with perceptions by the society at large, we are slowly breaking the mould.

I know there would be many naysayers- but your thoughts and interpretation of our beautiful religion is your own. I have mine. So no negativity here. I know there are certain restrictions, and I'm still learning. And I think so are you. No one is PERFECT.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Am just a Cave Woman.

I am going to be melodramatic, because it is what I do best. I did not get the title 'drama queen' for nothing, I must live up to expectations or else what kind of person will I be?

Okay so am going to be melodramatic and also sarcastic, mostly because sarcasm runs in the family and because am done being little miss nice. Actually have I ever been little miss nice? Don't answer that.

Am just so tired of dealing with this constant political bickering and having to watch my back all the time, mincing my words and rolling my eyes. Do you know that it takes severe physical effort to do all those things at once.

My brains, heart and other internal organs cannot stand it. Before I go to work I feel like have to be suited up in a bullet proof vest.

Thing is, I should know better right? After dealing with this sort of thing in school, university and now work. I should be some kind of expert. I should be able to write three best sellers and save other emotionally frail, vertically challenged people for having to go through the pain and hurt of a variety of attacks from people who just have nothing better to do with their lives.

But mess around with other people's lives.

Thing is I should not care. Why should I care. Because everytime a person says they dont give a damn, it actually hurts that's why.

I want to go back and retreat to my cave now tq.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Darwin was right. Engkau memang monyet.

Hari ini saya akan menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu, mungkin kerana saya sudah bosan menulis dalam bahasa penjajah hari hari di tempat kerja, walaupun sebenarnya sudah berkurun saya tidak menulis di dalam Bahasa kebangsaan, mungkin kali terakhir adalah sewaktu peringkat awal saya melangkah ke universiti.

Mungkin juga kerana saya bosan dengan sikap elit sebahagian manusia di sini yang mengagungkan diri sendiri kerana fasih berbahasa orang putih, bekerja sebagai penulis di antara akhbar tertua dan bersejarah di Malaya, maka mereka fikir mereka adalah berstatus lebih tinggi dari yang lain.

Saya benci dan meluat dengan sifat bermuka muka dan ker-pura puraan masing masing, rasa mual macam sewaktu mula mula saya mengandung dulu.

Bila bangun dan kaki melangkah ke sini saya selalu mengharap supaya tidak terserempak dengan mereka ini, takut apa yang dimasukkan ke perut pagi tadi akan terhambur keluar dek perangai berlagak mereka, yang macam bagus.

Kalau ikut hati saya tak mahu pergi, tak mahu berhadapan dengan orang yang egois dan berpura pura baik yang sebenarnya langsung tak tulen.

Di universiti pun ada orang orang sebegini, di tempat kerja pun saya terpaksa berhadapan dengan perkara yang sama, Mungkin ujian Allah untuk saya.

Nak tulis pun rasa seperti orang ini tidak perlu diberikan ruang di dalam belog saya, tetapi oleh kerana rasa benci yang meluap luap terpaksa juga saya beri ruang walaupun sebenarnya rasa macam nak tolak orang ini masuk dalam gaung.

Kenapa saya begitu emosi? Bukan buang masa ber-emosi untuk orang yang tiada rasa bersalah atau tiada rasa emosi atau rasa diri sangat bagus hingga tidak boleh menerima pendapat?

Kerana saya geram, saya geram kerana orang ini buta, walaupun terasa dirinya celik pelbagai perkara tetapi sebenarnya orang ini tidak reti menilai perkara yang benar benar penting dalan hidup.

Saya tak kisah berapa pedang pun awak nak cucuk di belakang saya, saya lagi tak kisah tentang mulut awak yang memang takde insuran. Tapi saya kisah kalau terpaksa berhadapan dengan awak hari hari sebab saya taknak jadi anoxeria terpaksa muntah setiap kali berhadapan dengan hujah hujah zaman purba awak.

Nasib baik saya ditugaskan di luar pejabat minggu depan, tetapi kalau tempat tu pun awak nak kawal, saya tak sangguplah. Lebih baik saya angkat kaki dan ambil arahan dari beruk di zoo.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Happiness is the colour purple.

Shab is my sister's best friend and just got hitched to my cousin from my dad's side Zaid. Congrats to both.

The weekend was exhausting..but I got to do one of my favourite things playing around with MAKEUP.

Actually, when it comes to MAKEUP am more into the nude look and I like makeup looks that make you look like enhanced version of yourself instead of having everything gooped on and the end result makes you look like someone else.

So thanks Shabana Amin for letting me make u up on your big day. Despite Ayra finishing your almond and chocolate cookies and terrorizing your room. Congratulations and may your marriage be filled with happiness and love!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Shades of Grey

our second eid. Ayra tamau duduk diam this time so all the photos were tangkap muat je! ;-)
photo above : ayra's paparazzi moment, no camera flashes please;-)

Its dusty. I can feel the dust settling into the crevices of the little nooks and corners of this blog. Lets just say I have not been inspired to write an entry.

Raya came and went, and I tried to feel excited for Ayra’s sake. Truth is everything went by so fast and we tried to go everywhere and please everyone that I just felt drained and tired mostly.

Note to self : Maybe next Raya I should propose a family holiday instead !!! ( tapi would feel extremely guilty pulak towards my grandparents)

Thus the colour Emil chose for this year reflected my feelings exactly : Shades of Grey and Black.

It was Ayra’s second raya and although she didn’t understand much she was just happy that the H and me were there with her all the time and that lots of people were around her. I think that made her happy. Kesian my baby. Deprived of social interactions with other babies and kids. Its always the eldest curse.

She is quite friendly now and loves to mix around, I keep telling myself that I need to register her somewhere where she can interact with other babies, but there is always no time.

But on a cheerier note, I loved that I got to spend more time with Ayra and the H. We just lazed around the house and ate our own raya cookies and watched old movies oh and tons of elmo videos. I don’t know about most people but this is my favourite form of relaxation!

Since Syawal is not yet over, I hope Raya was good for everyone. And since I’m not perfect please forgive me if I have wronged anyone, I probably was just in a bad mood or did not have enough sleep. I can be very nice when I want to ;ppp

Eid Mubarak!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Family Soap Opera

Before I start this rant, am just going to explain that I was extremely proud of my family- extended and immediate. I still love my immediate family to death, but extended? I can’t be as sure as I used to be.

The thing is certain arguments on beliefs, money and what not have made me somewhat jaded. They say your family would love you no matter what, I disagree totally.
Because when it comes to money or talents or beliefs, love is not everything.

So I have come to a new conclusion, Families. can sometimes be overrated. Everyone seems to extol family as our most important institution. But is it really?

And then I came across this blog-post by an editor of a magazine. And surprise I kind of think what he is getting at is kind of true to a certain extent.

This is another disclaimer : thoughts of the writer of the article below does not reflect my own. But I thought it was an interesting article nonetheless.

So many people suffer inordinately from family. Of course, there are the obvious examples:
* Child abuse

* Spousal abuse

* Incest

* Psychological abuse

But much more often, there’s less dramatic but still painful family-induced misery:
* Other than pleasantries, your adult child refuses to speak with you.
* Your spouse has fallen out of love with you, yet fear, inertia, and shared history preclude a dissolution. So you trudge along in your lacklustre life.

* Your parent is still trying to control or demean you even though you’re already an adult.

* Your nine-year-old regularly screams, “I hate you, mommy!”

* Your adult child is back on your sofa still trying to “find himself” (with the assistance of drugs or alcohol.)
* You're not capable enough to compete with a sibling or parent, which dispirits you.

* You make major efforts to care for your aging parent, motivated mainly by guilt. Privately, you resent how much time, energy, and money it takes.
* Your spouse doesn’t earn enough income or do enough around the house.

* You suffer the effects of an alcoholic or drug-abusing family member.

Millions of people don't even speak with a family member. Millions more spend years and fortunes on therapists, trying to undo the ills that family perpetrated on them. All this shouldn’t be surprising. After all, unlike with friends, we are placed in our family of origin at random, with no say in the matter. We do choose our spouse, but hormones seem to preclude our doing a very good job of it--witness the 50% divorce rate.

While it’s unseemly to discuss, money is part of the equation as we evaluate whether family is overrated. It costs a fortune to support kids, let alone a stay-at-home spouse. To pay for it, many people choose lucrative careers that are far less pleasurable than those they’d otherwise choose.

Do you think that, if it weren’t for the need to support a family, as many people would choose to sell insurance, be pest control workers, sewer repairers, or bond traders? Wouldn’t many of them choose a career, for example, in the creative arts, in a nonprofit, or as a computer game maker?

Of course, I can envision some readers thinking: What? Are you advocating a society without children? Encouraging my readers to think more carefully before having children is hardly going to lead to a world without children. I am merely asking people to be more circumspect, not reflexively fulfilling society's expectation. Besides, environmentalists argue that overpopulation is the greatest threat to the environment. A few less children wouldn’t hurt the world and its nearly seven billion people. Life is even more difficult to live without the support of family. I’m not saying that people don’t need support.

I’m arguing against the automatic assumption that you have greater obligation to support family members than others. For example, when your ne’er-do-well sibling asks you for money because he or she is unemployed, rather than succumb to the reflexive guilt that society imposes because “he’s family,” you'd be wise to view the issue in fuller dimension: in terms of the net effects on you, him, your family, and, yes, society. For example, does giving Sammy the Slug the money yield a greater net good than, for example, investing in a startup developing a drug to prevent sudden heart attack, the leading killer?
My main message is to resist automatically succumbing to convention, and instead, to make your choices consciously, based on what will ultimately yield the greatest good en toto: for you, your family, and society.

read it with a pinch of salt and an intelligent mind. And draw your own conclusions.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Uchi no musume

If you were falling, then I would catch you

You need a light, I'd find a match

Cuz I love the way you say good morning

And you take me the way I am

If you are chilly, here take my sweater
Your head is aching; I'll make it better

Cuz I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am

I'd buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise

And you take me the way I am
You take me the way I am
You take me the way I am

* yes I was feeling sentimental I miss her at work a lot *

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Nerds Forever ;)

* I wanted to post this earlier on the actual date itself, 20.07.2010 but we just arrived from a trip and it somehow slipped my mind. So please blame the mind and not the heart ;-) *

I have been married for three years, and Im still amazed at couples who have been married for like twenty years and above my parents and grandparents included, of whom are still married to the same people of course ( hahahah)

Am amazed because,even three years seems like a lifetime for me, maybe because I was friends with my husband way before we got married, which in total equals ten years.

And after these three years, little annoyances have crept in things that I use to find 'cute' or 'adorable' now seem' silly' 'childish' ( I think he feels the same way although does not like to admit it) and our tastes in movies, food, entertainment and even clothing have evolved and changed.

We have both put on weight, he has changed his glasses two times and we were blessed with Ayra, which have also changed us in a way.

We are not the same two people who shared classes in college trying to find our way anymore. We are still lost in a way but we officially have grown up. ( of course my parents would beg to differ but whatever ;p)

This was highlighted and made painfully obvious during one of our recent major arguments, and when I looked at him I thought ' where did that boy who used to drive me around in his red kancil on lazy sunday mornings go?"

And I realised that he grew up and in his place was a person trying to do his best for his little family and also trying to make sense of everything like I was. He is probably as confused and as tired as I am of this growing up business.

So B, things might be different and I turned out to be more annoying and exasperating than you ever imagined. But we are actually one tree with the same roots. And even with so many changes I still see glimpses of the 18-year-old boy I used to know, but I love you better because of the person you have become which is the daddy that Ayra adores.

So happy third anniversary. my doa is for many more and for us to love who we will become in the future for better or worse. XOXO

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


This is just a note. And I can hardly call myself an expert only after having one baby.
So this is a disclaimer I'am no expert mommy. I have only been priviliged to call myself one for 17 crazy topsy turvy months.

But this entry is going to be for my friends who are expecting their own little bundle of joys soon. Just a tip. Yummy Mummy's and Alpha Moms are myths created to make us mere mortals feel that we are not up to the standard

I think the best moms are the well rounded ones. I dont buy any mainstream cultural idea of what a mom is suppose to be like, I do what feels right to me, what makes my family and I happy and content, and what keeps me from going over the edge.

I could not imagine always putting myself first, and my families needs second. On the other hand, the thought of putting myself at the bottom of the list to make room for being a super mom doesn't make sense to me either.

So go ahead make those mistakes, worry about every single bump red dot and mosquito bite, make the difficult decision of choosing to stay at home or work, get peed pooped and vomited on, cry whenever the doctor inserts a needle for your baby's monthly jabs, cry again whenever it gets difficult to soothe a cranky baby, bang your head against the wall when you feel too tired to stand after all you are only human just like your mom

Mistakes are the best way to learn and that little bundle of joy on the way will be the best teacher you will ever have.

Monday, June 28, 2010

False alarm sayang.

I would like to happily report that the red alert was a false alarm.

So I was cranky for about ten days and then it came and the cramps hurt so bad, that I wish it had actually stayed away hahahaha.

On the plus point I feel a little less bloated and like everything has been drained out of my system which is good so let this be a reminder for me to keep it healthy.

Currently I am looking forward to my trip to visit Emil which is happening in a week or so but am kind of not so excited that I would have very minimal to spend. Considering that I already used half of my salary to pay bills, I would probably have to be very stingy with my moolah. So no shopping only sightseeing, It will be interesting to see how I will manage that.

Oh and no birthday celebrations either, since the H just blankly told me " Eh trip ni your bithday pressie la" Huh? Okay. ( wallowing in self-pity mode) and the conversation went like this

Me: But masa tu kita tak pegi lagi, my birthday is here lah ( thinking he forgot the dates)

H : Memang la kat Malaysia tapi celebrate kat Wales lah.

Me : Kenapeeeeeeeee? kita kan kat sini ( cannot percaya tone)

H : Sebab trip ni la u punya present ( accompanied by evil smile) kan?

Me : Hmmmm. Hmmm. thanks but we will be here on that day kan? ( dengan muka tak tau malu)

H : alah takpayah la.... just celebrate there ( still muka buat buat tak paham)

Me : ( malas nak argue punya mode) Hemph. whatever.

So yeah. I know I know am spoiled rotten. So what I LIKE being spoiled by my significant other. I cannot believe that my adoring husband ( heheheh last attempt nak bodek) does not want to change his mind of maybe just having a nice makan? ;-)))))

Will report if this post actually worked! ;-))

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Red alert

Yes I admit it is getting dusty in here, I blame it on time constraints, flue bugs and Ayra's tendency to love the laptop whenever she sees it sitting on top of my lap. Then its bye bye blog and hello elmo youtube videos.

Besides absence does make the heart grow fonder no? ;-)

Well I here I go writing yet again about my missing monthly friend. Its not here yet and am a bit worried. Its been a week now, but I'm scared to death to bring myself to the pharmacy to get the bloody (pun intended) clearblue pee stick.

The thing is - okay I'am using the conventional method of protection as any sort of foreign thing in my body and hormone pills freak me out, am already chubby as it is and I don't really need the extra weight. (yes am still vain its a vice kill me)

The good doctor did warn me that I could not get preggers until Ayra was about two, because I had a caesarean delivery and because they cut me up like seven layers down so that has got to heal first. And if there was a pregnancy, because of my size it would be a very risky one and they might have to cut me up again.

That was suppose to scare me into getting the pills or the stupid rod inserted right, but no, and here I'am still dilly dallying about the pee-stick, and scared out of my mind that it might have the faintest positive sign.

I have been reasoning with myself that I couldnt be as I dont feel weird or sick or anything like that. This was because when I was preggers with Ayra I sort of knew a month before I took the test, well and I did'nt even show until about my sixth month.

But then every pregnancy is different, which means I need to get the pee stick fast. ;p

And If am not that means an appointment with the gynae is long-overdue and If I'am err my blog entries will probably be more regular ;p

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It is one of my sources of HAPPINESS never to desire knowledge of other
people's business.

what is it with people who spread vicious damaging lies about other people? Its a bit sickening isn't it to derive such pleasure over a person's ruined reputation?
And all just because you needed your five minutes of fame
And what proof do you have of your claims?
your fabricated stories?
Does anything that comes out of your mouth rooted in truth at all? Or maybe your profession of spinning stories has spilled over into your real life?
Is it because you have no happiness in your own life that you need to create outrageous things about other people?
there are other ways to get ahead in life incase your pea sized brain needs to know.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Going back in time

An artists drawing of Tun Teja - I think she looks like Datuk Siti Nurhaliza kan? Maybe all the pretty girls hail from Pahang..something in the water?

One of the main reasons why I love history is that you get to travel backward in time. Experience a whole different era, talk in an entirely different language and wear a whole entirely different wardrobe.

I still remember the first time I discovered ‘ Sejarah Melayu or the Malay Annals.

Here is a short intro to what is it all about courtesy of wikipedia - Sejarah Melayu or Malay Annals is a Malay literary work that chronicles the genealogies of rulers in the Malay archipelago and spans a period of over 600 years.

The original version of Sejarah Melayu was written during the reign of the Malacca Sultanate in Malacca. It was brought together when Sultan Mahmud Shah fled from Malacca in 1511 A.D. During 1528 A.D., the original naskhah (copy) brought to Johor from Kampar. The Portuguese seized the naskhah Sejarah Melayu in 1536 A.D while attacking the Old Johor (Johor Lama). The naskhah brought back to Johor by Orang Kaya Suguh.

When I was ten, whatever I knew about the Malacca sultanate was gathered from stories my Tok told me, old movies and history school books, (which were had really straightforward boring descriptions)

I chanced upon a copy at the school library and later I found the translation in an old bookshop in Seremban

And I have been hooked ever since. I just love almost everything about it, every time I read it I feel like am transported into another era. Where the air smelt of spices and everyone wore elaborate costumes and were polite.

The classic Malay language used is just superb. I love it.

Some of my favourite paragraphs are the paragraphs describing Tun Teja's beauty and also Hang Tuah's influence.

"Adapun pada masa itu Bendahara Pahang Seri Amar Bangsa Diraja gelarnya, akan dia itu ada beranak seorang perempuan, Tun Teja Ratna Benggala namanya terlalu baik parasnya, di dalam tanah Pahang seorang pun tiada samanya pada zaman itu..."

"...peri baik paras Tun Teja, anak Bendahara Pahang, dikhabarkan orang, tidaklah ada samanya seorang pun pada zaman ini..."

"Adapun Laksamana Hang Tuah, barang tempat ia pergi, gegak gempita bunyi orang daripada hebat melihat sikap lakunya. Jika ia di peseban, peseban gempar, jika ia di panggungan, panggungan gaduh, dan segala perempuan Jawa anak dara-dara, jikalau ia berjalan ke pasar atau barang ke mana, banyaklah yang gila akan Hang Tuah itu. Dan apabila Hang Tuah lalu, perempuan di dalam pangkuan lakinya itupun bangun hendak melihat Hang Tuah..."

Yes I’m a geek, but so far I think its the most interesting history book EVER. ;p

Friday, April 2, 2010

In her shoes

There's a special kind of freedom sisters enjoy. Freedom to share innermost thoughts, to ask a favor, to show their true feelings. The freedom to simply be themselves." Author Unknown

Today my sister Ili Kamila Mokhtar turns 23.

Happy Birthday Emil

Have an awesome blossom day. May Allah always keep you safe and protect you from all harm. Any may your life be blessed with happiness, joy an love.

Oh. and come back soon am getting bored just bullying Naa here, plus we need to hijack your collection of bags and shoes pulak.

heh heh.

LOVE YA slaloo ;-)

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Foot Steps.

Lavi - my fabulous lunch partner ;-) office's annual dinner
my must have drink

also our jalan jalan cari makan partners and comrades;-)

credits to Cik Sai - the H and Me


AYRA at OPAHMA's place conquering the telly while reading a book at the same time!

Ayra with her Bestie.

the first pic, the H took with the cam. After sending Tok for Umrah.

this are just some of the piccies as promised.
just some little pieces here and there.

Sweat and Tears and Smiles.

Yes its a pink camera. Please excuse the frivolousness of it all and allow me my silly and barbie like indulgences.

I've wanted a canon IXUS camera for a long time, but have managed to curb myself and convince myself that it wasn't that important to splurge on such an item.

Anyway am pretty happy with my purchase and that I no longer have to bother the H to upload piccies for me as its pretty user friendly.

Am also super glad that now I would be able to post more pictures in this blog, without hounding my sister and the H for pictures from their cammies.

Its not a new hobby or anything- am no expert photographer, I usually don't really bother about the finer details like the apertures and such when snapping photos what I basically wanted was to capture memories and moments in my life.

That is all

I've posted most of the pictures snapped using the camera by yours truly and the H in the new post below ;-)

Monday, March 29, 2010

Losing our MUCHNESS.

The H's trip to Beijing this week is affecting my mental state.

I do hope that this post does not potray me as being needy clingy or obsessive.


The truth is just plain and simple.

Which is I will miss him. No matter how much I ' dera' him, I will miss him because no else puts up with my nonsense and hyper active hormones like this dude does.


My family will beg to differ of course. But this is for another post at another time during one of my more stable mental state. ;-p

And because we all share a bed, its going to be difficult for me to put the lil one to sleep, because she is used to having daddy on the right side of the bed.She will roll and roll and fidget until she finds a comfy spot next to him.

So I will have to force either Iman or Naa to sleep with us until the H comes back.

I hope this works. Ayra does not fall for tricks easily.


On a more feminist note, I do vow to have fun when he is away which includes indulgent pampering to return my mental state to excellent health, and to cure my weary tired bones on your budget of course hehe.

Happy holidays H. We will hold the fort but we won't promise that we wont paint it RED! nya nya.

Monday, March 1, 2010


My husband exasperates me.

He stays in the toilet too long. He wakes up late, but can wake up early for football matches. He has to have teh tarik and roti canai for breakfast at least three times a week.

He wears a Manchester United jersey every weekend to every date. He tortures Mocha ( my sister’s cat) and can have an entire conversation by saying ‘ hem’.


For all these NINE years that I have known him, whatever I have done, how silly I have been how absurd my actions can be, the hurtful comments that I give, he has always been there.

And when I was sick after delivering Ayra, puking in the toilet and there was blood all over the place, he bathed me everyday I was in the hospital and a week after that.

My perfect punching bag, (eh sometimes I’m his cute punching bag too!)

If I need him he is there. If I want him he’s there neither, he's there. He is always there.

I’m sometimes scared of the future as nothing is certain except death.

But insyallah I pray that something will always be certain. That he will always be the one.

Happy Birthday H. Love you macam truckloads gila banyak kot.
tee hee.

Dont cha all feel warm and fuzzy now?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Maulidur Rasul

MARCH 20 2008

Today marks the day Prophet Muhammad was born nearly 1,500 years ago. An auspicious day for Muslims all over the world. ILI LIYANA MOKHTAR takes a look at just what the day means to Muslims in Malaysia.

Muslims celebrate the birth of the prophet on the 12th day of Rabiul Awal (the first of spring), the third month in the Islamic calendar.As the Islamic calendar is a lunar calendar, the corresponding date in the Gregorian calendar varies each year.

This year, it falls on March 20.

The month of Rabiul Awal is significant to Muslims for various historical reasons. According to Islamic history, Abrahah, the governor of Yemen circa 571AD, attempted to destroy the Kaabah in Mecca with an army that included a large number of elephants.

The raid was unsuccessful, but because it was customary to name a year after a major event, the year became known as the "Year of the Elephant". It was in this year that Prophet Muhammad was born."

The most important part of Maulidur Rasul is remembering the prophet's good deeds, his teachings, his wisdom and how he forgave his most bitter enemies," said Department of Islamic Development officer Munir Salleh.

Also known as Maulud Nabi in Arabic, the day is observed with marhaban (recitations of praises and blessings) and salawat (salutations to the prophet).

Talks are held in mosques and Muslim organisations take the time to commemorate the prophet's life and exemplary character.

First celebrated in the 13th century for a month, the holiday was observed with sermons, honouring of religious dignitaries and reciting verses from the Quran. Sumptuous feasts were also prepared to be distributed to the poor.

Locally, Maulidur Rasul is celebrated, at the national and district levels, with processions while reciting marhaban and salawat.

Awards are also given out to people who have contributed to the community.

Some local mosques around the Klang Valley conduct activities one week before the day, such as forums, intellectual discussions with Muslim scholars and special prayers.

For many, observing Maulidur Rasul is an expression of love they have for the prophet.

More than anything, such gatherings reach and remind the Ummah of the prophet's life and his call to virtue.

source: http://www.nst.com.my/Current_News/NST/Thursday/National/2191094/Article

Sunday, February 21, 2010

My parents thought me to be nice, I grew up thinking that everyone was nice. Somebody should just shoot me now.

I cannot create something out of thin air. Am not a magician, politician or anything of the sort.

Am allowed to have bad days when my creativity went on a hiking trip to God Knows Where.

And if there is nothing there is nothing. Geddit.
I cannot goreng if there is no minyak.

Its just one of those days.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Intan Payung

miss ayra at one

My baby girl turned one last Friday (12/02/2010)
. Time just flew by. And am still obsessed with the nomad botak yg kecik. Yes she is still a nomad. Not so botak but with a rockin mohawk.

She can call me ‘mama’ and the H ‘ dadday’ and I cannot believe that one year ago Dr Norleen placed her near my face for me to kiss.
*tears* * tears* tears *
* heart melts *

She has changed and grown so much, she poses for the camera and laughs and babbles to us all the time.

I still get a thrill waking up next to her every morning and just watching her sleep. I think the H and I are much better people because of having her in our lives (although our parents might disagree! heh. but nevermind.)

Miss Ayra Rayyan ( this one is for you )

You're cute as button everyone knows, from your little round head to your chubby little toes. You're cute as a button even when your bad, and when your angry, tired or sad. You're cute as a button every single day, everything you do and everything you say.


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The needle and the lantern

A needle is such a small, brittle thing. It is easily broken. It can hold but one fragile thread. But if the needle is sharp, it can pierce the coarsest cloth. Ply the needle in and out of a canvas and with a great length of thread one can make a sail to move a ship across the ocean.

In such a way can a sharp gossipy tongue, with the thinnest thread of rumor, stitch together a story to flap in the breeze. Hoist that story upon the pillar of superstitious belief and a whole town can be pulled along with the wind of fear.

Being with Margaret was like standing inside the casing of a lantern, one that kept the warmth in and the stinging insects out.

* The Heretics Daughter * ( am still in the middle of reading this, its quite taxing at first but its turning out to be quite a page turner for me at least.)
'm grateful that being with Ayra and you is like standing inside the casing of a lantern which is warm and keeps the stinging insects out.

Because I hate stinging insects.

And because you both are all that matters in the end.

Friday, January 22, 2010

This is not a disaster.

I know I said I will accept things as there are, but I still can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed.

After all there is only so much a small heart can take, I think if someone took my heart out of my chest and examined it it would probably be the most battle worn heart ever.

Yes I’m being melodramatic. Its my blog after all.

But everytime I feel a deeper shade of azure, Elizabeth Bishop always puts things into perspective.

This poem is like a hug put into words. It is my all time fav. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.
Accept the fluster of lost door keys,
the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.
And look! my last, or next-to-last,
of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.
And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster

* Elizabeth Bishop *

Monday, January 4, 2010

I am just a small town kinda girl.

Bangsar always does this to me.

Everytime I step into Bangsar or KL I have the urge to I don't know, murder, maim or hurt someone.

On milder days I just have the urge to turn right back, I fantasise about taking the wheel from my husband and physically turning the grumbling green waja straight to back to SA, where the grass is greener and there is better cheaper food and I can get a manicure and a pedicure for just RM 50 or lower.

And Oh how I dream.

Bangsar. The land of the cool. Supposedly. And they drive around in their big cars and honk at you for crossing the road ( even when you are running across) and they double park just because they feel like they own the place, where rice and lauk cost RM 7 or more, where people talk in slangish english and as if they are better smarter cooler and just -oh-so-wise than anyone else.

Where talking in Bahasa means you're either rural, or from Pandora or something. Where noses are so turned up they can probably reach the damn sky. And big gigantic glasses frame evil penetrating stares.

God. My hormones are taking over me.

Am just a small town girl. I feel silly wearing big black glasses in a mall, my little family only owns one Malaysian car, I like looking at green trees and grass, I like listening to the call for prayer, and I like a good bargain. I mix my Bahasa and English and do not think its wrong, I carry my daughter in my arms instead of a xspansive baby sling, I do not think its right to double park. I work to earn a living AND I dont own any Gucci or Prada bag.

SO there.