Saturday, December 27, 2008

Comfortable Toes.

I can't see my toes anymore, my toes and the rest of what's under me, have effectively been obscured frm my sight now that I'am in my eighth month of pregnancy!! ( which of course calls for more pedicure sessions since I can't see them that means I can't clean them properly and the vain pot in me would not step out with icky toes!) heheheh also I just love a good pedicure session! And the only shoes I can manage to wear now are only open toed flats and flip flops which are about two sizes bigger because my feet tend to get swollen so much.

Its funny how when I first discovered that I was pregnant, I swore that I would not let myself go and just continue to be the vainpot that I'am. I swore that I was going to be one of those hip fashionable pregnant ladies and just sashay all fashionably perfect throughout my pregnancy. God of course had other plans and I guess wanted me to eat some humble pie.

The first few months were difficult for me to even get up from bed, as I had bad morning sickness sessions, and it took a lot of effort just to get dressed. I wore a lot of kurungs and no makeup and everyone who knew me well thought that I was going to expect a boy the way I was not in the mood for 'anything'.

I just wanted to sleep and lie down most of the time since my body ached so much and the rest of me just refused to function the way I wanted it to function! When I entered my fifth and sixth month I began to discover small little things that could still make me look a little human like the ' malas tudung' ( like the one I'am wearing in the picture I posted that's my brother Illias btway.) as my mama calls it.. which I could just snap on whenever I needed to go out. And I slowly began to incorporate small little dressy comfortable things -- - in the end what was most important was COMFORT!
Not to say that you can't be fashionable while your preggers, but torturing yourself and your body and putting your unborn baby at risk just to achieve that standard is certainly not worth it. I have yet to take pictures of some of the comfortable dressy things that you can incorporate into your wardrobe while preggers..but as soon as I can manage it I'll post them here!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Eating for two.

This is i think my second time blogging about my pregnancy ( I know I’am being very inconsistent) tapi its just that I can’t really lug the laptop bag around and of course everyone who knows me well enough knows that what a big procrastinator I can be.

I’am now in my seventh month well to be exact I’am 7 and half months pregnant and I look like the world. I’ve been good right up until my sixth month, when I started to go to all this weddings and believing that I should be ‘ eating for two’ when my OB and gynae already warned me that this was a load of crap and that I should stick to normal eating patterns but instead to choose healthier foods and avoid foods that might harm the baby.

I had my usual monthly checkup the other day and Dr Mazita almost fainted with the sudden spurt of weight gain. Normally my maximum gain would be about 2kgs a month but this time I gained almost 3kgs. I managed to mumble that It was Raya Haji and that I had been to a lot of weddings ( all the nasi minyak and ayam masak merah...howlah to avoid?) All the while ignoring the hubby’s all knowing I told you so face.

He proceeded to ‘mengadu’ to the doc that I was lazy in popping my vitamins, did not drink my milk regularly and had too much ice cream and cookies, while I was trying very hard to channel my inner saint and to look really innocent.

Dr Mazita being the darling that she is proceeded to give me a lecture on how I should try to maintain my weight now since I was not very tall and that more sudden weight gain can lead to complications in birth as my pelvic bone might not be big enough to handle the process or something like that.

Oh dear.
So right now I’am trying to go back to my normal eating habits and am trying very hard to avoid fast foods and sweet things. ( although I did cheat a little because afiko came back from an assignment with M&M’s and I COULD NOT RESIST).

All the horror stories on how difficult labor can be is also so ingrained in my mind that I’am determined that I won’t further complicate matters by being stubborn. ( which is a common family trait or so afiko tells me)

Another highlight of this month was the 3D scan we had of the baby, which was nothing short of a miracle. I of course went through the whole process very macho-ly at first and remained excited throughout the day - but when it came to isha prayers and subuh prayers the next day I started being an emotional basket case worried sick that I won’t be able to be a good parent -- -- --
By the way the picture at the top is a 3d scan visual of a very cute baby smiling. But its not mine. I've decided to keep mine private until its time.....

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Its funny how some people enter your life at a point in time and then just disappear without so much as revealing why they left in the first place. And then you wonder what they hell you did for them to saunter out of life..without even looking back.

Is it because you’ve changed? Or is it because they have changed? Is it because they dont want to be friends anymore? You’re just left to wonder ,until you too forget they were ever in your life buried with unwanted junk in some part of your brain. Until one day you bump into someone vaguely familiar somewhere….

People are like clothes in a way . You like the new ones more and tend to wear the old ones less. Clothes worn are according to the season, some are fashionable and you love they way they make you look, some you deem you would never wear cause they make you look fat.

I guess you associate yourself with the people you want to associate yourself with. The ones you deem important at the moment. Goals nowadays or where you get to in life are more important than enduring and lasting relationships. Everyone wants to be ahead of the game. Win the rat race. Get the big car. Get the house by the beach. I’am so tired of all this shit. Makes me want to go somewhere far and just rear goats and cows. Maybe they wouldnt care so much about racing with rats!

Monday, October 20, 2008

On Marriages, Weddings and whatever else is happening in my small world.

Suhaila Mohamed Said - Adek-Sue bestie who is now expecting twins ;-) congratulations XOXO
Fatimah Zahra - Iema on her big day and showing off the ring!

My sister Ili Kamila Mokhtar and Husband Mustaqim

Actually this post is two months late, but what else is new..;-) I attended a myriad of weddings between the months of August and September. One of them being my own sisters wedding.

It was a beautiful wedding if I do say so myself.

My Mama has got to be the most talented wedding planner ever

We had a month to plan everything from the wedding favors to the venue to the little details. I'am proud to say that all the wedding favors were handmade and I made them myself, courtesy of all the years spent in highschool doodling on my exercise books. Although mama drove me a little nuts calling me every hour to ask if I'll be home to finish the job ( I did) yay for me... I was so proud to see Emil enjoy her a big day and me getting compliments for the lovely wedding favors hehe.

There have been comments made in blogs about the age my sister choose to get hitched, well I say the age chooses you. Contrary to popular belief.. and corny as it sounds I do think that fate plays a very big part in this jodoh business, Ask iema I'am sure she'll agree with me!

A few close friends also recently got hitched and some knocked up also to keep me company I guess - So this entry is for you. A big hug and congratulations to Emil & Muse, Adek-Sue and Haikal, Neryn and Zul, Iema and Boy.

A few wise words from one of my favourite poets Kahlil GIbran.

On Marriage,

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

May happiness and joy be part of you marriage always!



Saturday, September 27, 2008

Hardly doormat material .

Before I start - let me clear some things first. I'am not angry. Just mostly mildly annoyed.

People are of course given to misconceptions. I've dealt with it through school, college and now at work. Its just sometimes I wished that people would stop associating the hijab with being Malay or rural or backward or oppressive.

And it is not something that is forced upon you but a choice. The hijab is something that is practiced by people of the Muslim faith and not just Malays. And if you wear it does not make you deaf or restrict airflow to your brains. So you're allowed to be smart and to express your opinion, and no it does not cekik (strangle) you either!

Mama told me of a conversation she had with my sister who is currently studying in Wales. She told me of the questions my sister gets from her classmates who are curious about the veil that covers her head. Questions most often asked are “ What’s that on your head?” “Why do you wear it”? ‘Is it religious or custom?” these questions can be interpreted in many ways.., but shows how the younger generation halfway across the world can sometimes be oblivious to Muslim beliefs and culture.

The scary thing is because of this, they might believe certain things that are really not true about my beliefs and my religion.People are usually scared of things that they are not used to, things that are different. I can't really put into words to describe the enormity of the situation.

Sometimes even the best of us stumble to describe something so large, that has been discussed in various forms, by highly religious scholars, by university professors.
( this is an article I found on the internet, as I hope for better things, for a better view of my beautiful religion and I think it best describes what I’am trying to convey)

Amid the current political turmoil in Pakistan, I came across this moving image in the Chicago Tribune today of a vigil by lawyers in the country’s capital Islamabad. I am reminded of the cliché that a picture speaks a thousand words. If the image of a Muslim woman in Hijab brings to mind female illiteracy and oppression, then this photo, buried on page 26 of the paper, speaks volumes.

For starters, the woman in Hijab is, at least according to the caption, a lawyer. Not only is she literate, she is a highly educated professional.

Second, she is not accepting the imposition of martial law on her country and is expressing her protest by courageously attending a vigil opposing this at a time when thousands have been arrested across the country. Hardly doormat material.

This activist in Hijab is the kind of Muslim woman we in North America hardly ever read about or see in newspapers and other forms of media. Perhaps because she flies in the face of everything that is considered “typical” of Islam and Muslims?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Ehem. I decided to bake buns.

So much has been happening to yours truly for the past few months, it would be impossible to squeeze them into one single post. But i'll try anyway.

Well.... after all the talk about buns in the oven, here I'am expecting a little someone of my own. I only got to know of my pregnancy, when I was about 2 months preggers, before that I was just feeling extremely tired and had vicious mood swings that drove the poor hubby nuts. Insyallah if everything goes well, me and afiq will be welcoming baby in February 2009.

Now I'am in my 5th month and its Ramadhan, so far fasting has been okay except for the occasional gastric attack. I'am thrilled that I get to fast for a month and I don't have to ganti my fast next year. hehehe.

I also bought myself a laptop. So now I'll be able to post more regularly and add pictures and stuff. Salams till the next post. ;-)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

this is for iema for not asking me about buns in the oven

I was chatting with my friend iema the other day and she told me that my blog is getting a bit too serious. ;-)

Sorry dear. A lot of stuff have been going through my mind.

Tapi on a lighter note - here's my two cents worth on married life and what happens the morning after!
Don't get me wrong I;am very happily married ( well right up until now at least hahaha) I hope Afiq does not realise soon that he's gotten more than what he bargained for.

My topic today is about buns. Or more accurately buns in the oven. Babies to be more exact. The thing about Malay culture is they expect you to hit it like rabbits on heat and produce right away and I dare say if it was possible for the little one to pop right out of you like how air is squeezed out of a balloon they'd probably suggest you get popping too.

My cousin who also recently got married the same year I did ( Hi Qayya) has a really good answer to these enquiries by bespectacled makciks who give you this suprised look everytime you tell them that your poor oven is empty.

" anak? takde lagi anak tekak ade," ( insert delirious laughter).

my answer usually dpends on the person asking and because I like to terrorise Makcik meyibuk yg sangat ramai di Malaysia, I usually say that Afiq does not know where to hit hahahahah ( delirious laughter) it usually shocks them and dear hubby that I straight waway get some activity done right away ;-p

Actually I still need to finish my story. But this ones for Iema. Cheers Sweets. Promise that I'll keep things lite and thanks for stopping by. (muahs)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Where The Mind is Without Fear

So many things are happening in my country right now. And as much as I like to ignore it I fear for the future of the coming generations, I fear for the moral decay of the youth that no longer hold on to principles. I fear that there will no longer be kindness and compassion.

Some serious stuff huh? The thing is just the other day I was in a cab passing the busy road near the masjid jamek area and a blind man was standing at the side of the road ( I think he wanted to cross the road or something ) because he was moving his cane a lot and nobody even gave him a second glance. He was carrying a lot of things ( a backpack and a big plastic bag)

No one stopped to help him.

Everyone was so busy and caught up with their own lives that no one even bothered.

And because I'am such a sappy soul, I wonder what happened to him everytime I pass the bloodly road!

Apart from that, listening to all this politicians debate the future of my nation, the global food crisis and everything else that is wrong is just leaving me upset.

this is one of favourite poems by Rabindranath Tagore. Its also a very accurate potrayal of how I'am feeling right this very minute.
Where The Mind is Without Fear

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake

Friday, February 29, 2008

dont la be shy!

I’ve had a long daayyyy. My assgment today was to hunt for leap year babies *Sighs* Easy I
thought,( my arrogance surfaces sometimes), so I trotted to a few hospitals in K.L only to be told that these parents don’t feel like being interviewed lah, malulah, dont want their pictures taken lah. I tell you for all the background discussions we as malaysians have during our makan time, mention a reporter and everything turns down a notch. Halo - I’am not working for the Malaysian CIA. ( Although I have feelings of mass destruction sometimes--- does not mean that I dissect everything that comes into my radar. I wanted to do a story on babies laaaaaaah. Ish. Sometimes our culture of ‘maluness’ annoys me like hell.

Monday, February 25, 2008


On Work

Truth is I’am tired - and this related to my pre-election post. I feel like throwing in the towel and quitting. And maybe the truth is I can’t write to save my life. This is because no matter how well you think you can do something maybe you can’t.
And no matter how hard you try to prove something - its just a lost cause. I as usual have no one and on some days it just gets to me, the hopelessness of it all.

On election matters

It was my first time witnessing what actually happens on nomination day, ( I was covering for the Titiwangsa constituency), I did a story on one of the candidates - One of the seniors did a story on the other candidate. I will try to post more stories that I think will be of interest. Tell me what you think- Vasu who is very senior and experienced political writer helped me with this story.

Pas turns to woman to take on BN in `tough' Titiwangsa ( this was the headline)

KUALA LUMPUR: One man after another from Pas has failed to bring down theBarisan Nasional in Titiwangsa. Now the party is unleashing a woman to attack the Umno fortress.
The party has put its faith in its women's chief, Dr Lo'Lo' MohdGhazali. Why this sudden preference for the fairer sex?
In past elections, women had kept their distance from the Pascandidates. This time, the party hopes a woman will bring in the votesfrom the women. However, Dr Lo'Lo' is playing down gender. "I am not campaigning as a woman but as a Pas leader," she said, while emphasising that she had the credentials worthy of any man.
The Kuala Kangsar born's father is the former Perak mufti, DatukMohamad Ghazali Abdullah. A medical doctor, she served at government hospitals for six years before entering into private practice.
She was unveiled as the party's candidate on Tuesday night after a fiery ceramah by Pas president Datuk Seri Abdul Hadi Awang. Dr Lo'Lo' said Titiwangsa folk should give her a chance. "Being a doctor, I deal with people on an everyday basis. So, I wouldbe able to voice my constituents' concerns better." Although upbeat about her chances, the doctor is realistic aboutwinning. "It might be difficult but not impossible," she said of her chances

Maybe - I just need a change of a scenes, a refresher? Maybe I need a new life!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Have a say in who governs us!

Thoughts on the upcoming general elections - ;-)

Elections - is something that I never really bothered with, call me an irresponsible Malaysian citizen - truthfully I didn’t really give a damn. I was young and foolish and I couldn’t vote so I didnt bother. Fast forward a few years, now that I’am working in one of the lines that practically put’s me at the forefront of all this mess they call the general elections , I’am slowly regretting my ignorance.

Words like ‘ seat ; no longer just means a place to sit, it now means electing someone responsible enough to voice out your concerns as a rakyat to the parliament . I know of parliamentary seats and state seats - of campaigns manifesto’s and what not. And I even went to my first political ceramah since 1998 (hint hint) .

I even talked to a few people who were ( should I use the past tense?) Since the parliament was dissolved about a week ago? Never mind- members of parliament.. Let me tell you - what an interesting bunch of people -- we’ve got in there voicing out our concerns. To tell you the truth , I have big concerns about the people we as the rakyat are putting in power.

Lets just say that recent events have really opened my eyes on what really is happening behind the scenes - and when everything went a little berserk in 1998 I still feel what I believed to be true was right. Everything I’ve witnessed to this day has confirmed something that I’ve suspected has been happening - propaganda’s can sometimes be rooted in truth. Sometimes it defeats the purpose of me trying to be objective because I cant believe some of the things that are said, opinions, suggestions issues.

This is my first time voting- the irony is I don’t think I could steal some time to go off to Shah Alam and vote when I really want to change the scene a bit. Kesian- and here I am all spirited on wanting to exercise my right, and my first time too (work commitments especially during this time have me glued to my chair at work endlessly keying in information and churning out stories)

So just a note to my fellow Malaysians, voters or non voters - exercise your right or maybe just familiarise yourself with the scene - have a say on who governs us. Take a look at the issues - there are certainly urgent issues that need to be addressed in this country , and by having more young voices out there, just maybe we would be able to affect change :-) and if you dont like what happens in the next four years -- change the scene again. Its healthy changes.

So what side of the fence I’am rooting for? If you’ve read between the lines carefully enough I think you’ll get a hint. Ha.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

City of Love?

There was this article in the newspaper - that stated proudly as a headline -Malacca - City of Love

Malacca is one of the places in my country that I love, simply because its very old. And WhenI say old I mean ancient.

There's a certain charm about old places, since there are many stories just lurking everywhere you turn.

and there have been many stories and historical accounts written about it however my favourite read is in a site maintained by Sabri Zain, on the history of the Malay Peninsula.

you can go check out his site - which has an easy to read account of Malacca history, the ancient kingdoms, parameswara, puteri gunung ledang, Hang Tuah and Hang Jebat~ it beats reading boring history books and once you're read through I'am sure you will be planning a trip to Melaka bandaraya bersejarah soon!

you can access the site by googling Sejarah Melayu or Sabri Zain. His site is linked to his wife's site which features beautiful photographs of Malaya in the old days.

for students who are learning Malaysian history this is a good site to get an overview of things, and the images are also pretty cool as well. ( well to me at least)

Happy reading! XOXO

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

discovering fishbowls

us in front of the dubai museum ( pls forgive my geekiness I had to check out the museum) which is pretty cool because its partly underground) they also have previews of bedouin culture which is quite informative and simple to understand. ( not sure if this is the correct spelling) told you I was weird.

- the picture is of a pashmina shawl my parents bought in the old souq in Dubai. I loved the pattern which is a traditional ancient paisley pattern originating from Pakistan -

I'am on a four day break that started on tuesday and will end on friday... ( huge sighs) I havent been regularly posting - since my machine in the office is so near to the editors desk ( where they sit high up on their thrones staring at their pc in all seriousness when I actually think their checking out their facebook profiles. ( gahhhhh ;-) ) I mean you cant actually be serious all the time? bleurgh, changes have been going on the office and everyone is adjusting to the new regime! heh. Me included. I of course am always outside of the fishbowl. I try to fit in sometimes~ tapi i guess I'am just too weird. They have put in the education beat...mainly because I think they have no idea whatsoever of where to actually 'buang' me since my bylines have been very slow and I've written on very diverse subjects. (eh I can go on on and on about this so I will)

The problem is I have no one to look out for me there. The problem about favouritism is no matter how hard you deny you're being bias - you always are. Let me illustrate - you choose your friends right? and you always seem to have a favourite one that you feel most comfortable with. Its just how people react to people.

Sometimes you easily click with someone - at other times you have to try a little bit harder- and sometimes even if you try your hardest - you cant even click at all- I'am not agonizing over my fate here. I'am just trying to explain why these things happen. It just does. And its okay if I have no one to look out for me. maybe its one of these trials thing that make you a better person by the end of it.

Any maybe I'am not trying hard enough in putting myself out there - to be more assertive to promote my ideas - in order for my career to flourish so to speak. But I just cant push myself of the edge for some reason-----I cant conform to other people's aspirations and ideas of what should be done or what to write about to be on the map. I dont why but I just cant.

I guess the root of the matter is the voice, which has always been sort of a gift and a curse all in one. I was teased terribly about it since I was young and not many people can appreciate it - I still get those 'kesiannyer' comments which make me wnt to physically hurl something hard at the person's head.

So the insecurities manifest itself sometimes, I get scared to communicate my ideas because I figure people would just concentrate on the unimportant things. I have had this happen so many times especially when I meet new people I just stay queit so that my voice doesnt define who I am. Oh well.

maybe this is not what i'am suppose to be doing in my life. I'am so confused.

there is a lyric in a song that I like by James Morrison that aptly describes what is happening right now and it goes something like this

I'am not lost - I'am not lost - just undiscovered.