Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hari Kesebelas : Lima Fakta tentang Diri Sendiri.

Ini tuan punya blog. Sungguh tak malu self-promote diri sendiri . Mak siapa ni tak malu upload gambar feeling -feeling !  I wonder where Ayra got her posing skills

Okay mari sambung dengan blogging challenge. Entry hari ini agak narcissistic sikit sebab membebel pasal diri sendiri macam orang gila. Well I have to finish the challenge right? :P whee.  

1) I'am unbelievable short, which is kind of problematic as I must always watch my weight because when I gain even a teensy weensy amount. It will show! 

2) I'am so stubborn and outspoken about matters that matter to me its amazing that my family and friends still like me. I tell it like it is no sugarcoating or glazing over anything. You either like me or you don't and frankly I don't give a rat's ass. 

3) I have an unhealthy obsession over shoes and bags. I can sit and stare at a shop window for hours looking at the stitching, the details, the colour, the size and the finish. If I dare to venture inside a shop, I will patiently and lovingly go to every single bag, inspect it, feel the material and imagine outfits built around it. The same goes for shoes. And yes I have committed the sin of walking in a shop trying on a few pairs and walking out. The salespeople hate me but please refer to point 2. And everyday I pick out a bag or a shoe first before anything else :P

4) I love decorating and painting right now I'am in the midst of DIY-ing my own bookcase! Sadly I don't have much time to spare for this hobby. As a teenager I moved furniture and rearranged everything in my room at least once a month.

5) My loyalty ( I don't know if this is a curse of a blessing) knows no bounds. When I love or like something I can safely assure you that it is FOREVER. That is why I have trouble embracing new situations new surroundings and new people. This point can also apply to why I find it extremely hard to leave my job no matter how difficult it gets just because I love the adrenaline rush of writing for a paper, the rush of seeing the article in print. My crazy weird interesting and funny journo buddies. See am gushing like a school girl in love! SIGH. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hari Kesepuluh : Bincangkan perhubungan anda. :P

Oh my god. Okay. I'am only continuing with the 30 day blog challenge 2 months after I started it. Err hello miss procrastinator extraordinaire!!

Plus I mixed the the previous topic for day 10 with day 9. So am going back to day 9's topic which was suppose to be for day 10.

RIGHT. now am confusing myself.

SO RELATIONSHIPS. WOW such a big topic to write about.

The H is not a romantic. He does not do flowers poems or writes me letters or notes. Mostly on my birthday cards he draws cartoons of either him and me and puts a heart symbol in between.

Not very good with words this one.

Every single year we have been together, I have sniffed out suprises he has planned because he is also really really bad at lyieng and keeping secrets.

I whine sometimes because I really miss  having meaningful conversations. I miss banter. I miss being courted. Nowadays conversations with the H always revolves around schedules or other important adult-like stuff or Ayra. I just miss talking about stupid and weird stuff and I miss him telling me hahahaha you're so comel whenever I tell him my theories on events. I miss beings spontaneous.

We get lost sometimes in the routine of daily life, of his football matches and my zombie shows. We have scarily become two people so comfortable and so settled in marriage. Or so I thought.

This year has become one of the most difficult years for me and lately my worklife has not been pleasant. I try to be optimistic but I have my breakdown days when I feel so overwhelmed I often curl-up in a ball when everyone is asleep and cry my heart out.

Yesterday when he fetched me from work, he said reach under the carseat at the back for the black paper bag. I rolled my eyes. He loves to do that ask me to get things so far at the back of the car. He thinks I'am a gymnast.

Then with a straight face he asked me to get him the boxes in the bag and I saw these :

* smiles from ear to ear* sometimes there is no need for words. Words can be over-rated. I love you H for making me feel on certain days (ehem ehem) like the luckiest girl in the world.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

She is mine not yours.

Parenting is not for the faint-hearted. Ayra is only two and half plus plus and already I feel that my heart is battle-worn ready to collapse at any minute from the multiple heartbreaks, torn out chest, fall from the balcony moments.

The thing is most of the time I still feel that am still learning all this motherhood stuff and haven't quite gotten round or successfully mastering anything. I'am still that rookie mama looking and twitching nervously at all the master mom's in the changing room managing not one but sometimes three screaming toddlers at the same time. * such respect tabik spring* 

Its not easy, Ayra is my toughest assignment to date, and sometimes I fall on my knees trying to manage everything.


Moms who are really anal annoy me. Excuse the language. You know the ones who just love to compare their children with yours. I notice this happens a lot especially within the malay community.  I'll give you some examples :

annoyingmommaspecimenone: (mulakan dengan pujian supaya tak nampak niat yang sebenarnya nak menunjuk) Comelnya anak uuu. dah berapa tahun?

meunsuspectingvictim :) ( senyum sebab tatau soalan seterusnya) thanks. Dia dua tahun setengah.

annoyingmommaspecimenone: ohhh dia still mumble ye? tak reti cakap betul betul lagi? (haaa ni dah dapat agak dah niat sebenar) :P

meunsuspectingvictim: err ( tgh fikir macam mana nak respond saya memang slow skit bab bab macam ni) ya tapi ok lah I faham apa dia cakap.

annoyingmommaspecimenone: my daughter ni umur setahun lebih dah pandai cakap, sebab I rajin cakap dengan dia tak 'babytalk' langsung u pun kena buat macam ni beli video macam ni baca doa macam ni bla bla bla (pendek kata buat semua mcam dia buat!) 

meunsuspectingvictim: eh sorry I have to take this phone call ( cara escape saya yang paling famous bila dah tak tahan) pastu grab Ayra sekali sambil pretend nak gi toilet :P

ANNOYING. ok another example:

Ayra: screaming her lungs out at a social function

anotherannoymom: hemm ni mesti sebab dia tak duduk nursery kan tak biasa dengan orang. 

me: Ayra don't cry pleaseeeeeeee ( in between trying to calm her down and not look like a serial kidnapper and trying to not hit annoying mum with my large handbag) 

anotherannoymom: my anak dari dulu I suruh dia duduk nursery pastu I stopped work to look after her, ajar dia ikut kehendak I so dia biasa dah dengan orang tengok dia ok je. kesian anak u, u kena train dia kalau tak susahhhhh.

me: kau ni tak nampak ke am trying to calm my daughter down, feed her at the same time, pastu kau nak bebel bebel ni apsal belasah kang baru tau (tapi ni semua cakap dalam hati je :P) 

ANNOYING. because I always look at other mom's with a lot of respect, as I feel raising a child is a challenge, so I do not question how a child is brought up by their parents as we all have our own ways and what we feel is best for our children, who is to say that your way is more superior than mine? We adapt. I do not try to shove my opinions down other's people's or mom's throat. SO please I might have zero-parenting skills but I'll learn and for the time being just give me the space to just be.

I have never been the competitive type EVER in my life. SO if u need to feel more superior u picked the wrong victim honey. 

I'll love my daughter no matter what. I'll let her learn at her own pace. I will not care if she is left behind in certain things. I do not care if she doesnt structure her sentences properly. I will let her play games and run around and make a mess and bang on pots and pans. I will let her be silly or weird. I will let her be herself and not what a baby book or commercial or overzealous moms tell me how she should be, because I will love her in my own terms, because she is mine and not yours.