Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A heart is just an organ right?

Ayra pun pening

I cannot believe it. I still cannot believe it. When they announced the results it was as if everyone had voted by happily throwing caution to the wind and did not give a damn what will eventually happen to the future of this country.

Politics and politicians have always amazed me. I have seen good and decent people turn into absolute morons because of politics. Its not that I place much faith in the local political system anyway, its just sometimes you hope against all odds that someone would quickly realize what is happening and start to change things, yes the idealist in me never sleeps!

Oh well. Shit happens. And to add icing to the cake, I’m down with the flu, I feel so tired and I have as little as 13days to spend fulltime with Ayra before I go back to busy busy Bangsar. SIGHS.

The lil one has been growing so much I hate to think that I will eventually miss some of her ‘firsts’ due to work commitments, I dread to think that one day I’ll come back from work and just wonder how come my little baby has grown up so fast and I wasn't there. Ayra Rayyan - one month plus

Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Sacrifices are never easy especially if they are so adorable. I'll be such a heartbroken mess when I get back to work.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Panas & Gemok

At this particular moment in time – about a month after the birth of my daughter -- I have a closetful of jeans in a variety of sizes, none of which fit. My breasts are so saggy that when I look in the mirror I see Opah ( sorry opah) and images of her flashing her boobs and declaring proudly that she has breastfed eight children, while they hang down very dangerously close to her waist.. In other words, I'm not feeling especially hot. The last thing I need is people telling me that if I’m not careful I could end up looking erm macam ‘mak mak’ mcm ‘mak orang’ mcm ‘makcik’ eh bodoh ke korang nie! I’m a mak and a makcik already to begin with!

I know I should not let this kind of crap take a swing at my self-confidence!

But I really need time, it took nine months to gain this all this weight so I would need at least nine months to lose all of it back. And I don't get this culture that obsesses about how much people weigh to begin with, I just gave birth for crying out loud, nobody gets back their post-pregnancy figure like a month after, NOT EVEN YOU.

I still think I'm doing kinda of okay and my progress has been good, even if I'am not back to my original weight (yet!) not that its any of your business to begin with. So there will be no marathon workouts and eating only raisins, I'am doing it my way.

SO. Get off my back, and please don't give me unwanted advice unless you look like Angelina Jolie-

Friday, March 13, 2009

Baby's Day Out with Socks!

Ayra, all dressed up for her trip to see Mr Doctor
Hello World!

Ayra was due for her first trip to the pediatrician last weekend - And I got excited as well as this meant another outing for me YAY! She was also due for her first vaccine. At first I was a bit apprehensive that she was going to really cry her lungs out- in the end she only let out a little disapproving squeak, and promptly fell asleep.

The doc said that maybe because of her experience in the neonatal unit she sort of got used to being poked. Oh well. Alhamdullilah everything went well. Still I'm very proud of her for being very brave! GOOD GIRL.

Being confined is not fun, especially for yours truly - and I'm missing the outside world a bit, its funny when I was working and was outside most of the time I just longed to spend time at home and chill now stepping out of the door is like a major achievement! Especially with the budak cemetot in tow!

And no more cute handbags for me! I'm glad that the big slouchy handbags are in now as I can manage to stuff most of Ayra's things in the bag which includes pampers, a change of clothes, lotions and potions a relief bottle, extra breast pads, a changing mat and a change of clothes for me too just in case of poopies and too much milk accidents! - The H also carries a bag with all these things and we have a double version of everything just in case.

PHEW. parenting is not for the faint hearted! ( and no I'm not being perasan here just reflecting) . Love your parents people!

Actually I have been outside of the house a number of times during 'confinement' but mostly the trips are to see 'Mak Jah' the eccentric bidan , who calls everyone ' sayang' and 'manja' and other terms of endearment. I'am glad Mama booked her, I feel so loved everytime we have our sessions!

In traditional Malay culture, after you give birth the mother and baby are confined in the home and are not allowed of the house for 45 to 60 days some even go as far as 100 days - mostly for health and superstitious reasons. The Mother and the newborn are then cared for by a bidan ( a midwife or confinement lady). The term confinement is derived from the word ' confine' which basically means " something that encloses and restrains".

And believe me the list of restrictions are endless! Everyday my meals consist of plain rice, haruan or tenggiri fish and plain water at room temperature. Portions are kept small and compact. Besides that I also swallow a myriad of 'jamu' ( traditional medicine of malay and javanese origin supposedly to help put everything back in its place) and drink a cocktail of 7 herbs mixed with honey. My tummy gets tucked into place with a 'bengkung' a piece of white cloth binded tightly with tumeric, salt and asam jawa.

the 15 types of leaves that have to be dried and boiled for my bathwater

And then there is this secret obsession with socks. Visitors who come to visit Ayra and me would gape in horror at my bare feet( I know I have'nt had a pedicure in ages, but I try my best to keep them tootsies clean and you can't stare at people's feet! its rude!) Its just sometimes there's too many rules to remember and I feel weird walking around the house in socks and my feet tend to get a bit funky after being in socks all day!

So, my point is occasional outings are good. If only to serve the purpose of balancing my already loony and mad state of mind due to lack of sleep. But don't worry the lil one is very very loved!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Happy Birthday Muhammad Afiq!

It was the H’s birthday last Saturday! (28.2) Since I’am still in confinement, we had a simple do at home, but with lots of good food that I didn’t get to eat! ;-9 Ayra slept throughout the whole occasion and the in-laws come over. My kind of party!! Small but filled with love! ;-)

Happy Birthday B! The years seem to fly by don’t they? And now we have Ayra! Its different, we are learning new things, we now can't sleep - - the world now is filled with nappy changes, naps, diapers and baby poo ;-) but I love you just the same! and most importantly hopefully
* * " forever and ever babe " * *

squished tiramisu?
I'am not sure what the in laws did, heh heh but the H shares the same birthday with my brother in law Aizhad so Happy Birthday to you too! they brought over a tiramisu cake ( my fav) which got squished on the way - - I can't have cake cause apparently eggs will make the c-section scar itch! Yah!! And I still have a long wayyyy to go in terms of being confined. Which is another story for another post during one of Ayra's longer naps ;-)