Saturday, October 31, 2009

Another one bites the dust & eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

A recent turn of events in the family has left me feeling a little nostalgic.

When we were small little girls, my cousins were like an extension of my sisters. We looked forward to seeing each other at our weekly gatherings in Opah’s house, would call each other on Friday to make sure everyone came, planned activities, had sleepovers at each others houses went on holidays together and talked about everything. Yes and we fought like mad also, we had moments but most of all we just loved each other’s company.

We were the crazy Mokhtar girls after all.

Remember when when our mothers had a day out and we were left at Opah’s..we were so bored we sneaked out of the house and walked all the way to Esso to get snacks and fizzy drinks, but Opah caught us afterwards ;-)

When we became teenagers, raging hormones and acne plagued us and we started to develop distinctive personalities, we now had other friends other commitments, boyfriends and a life outside of the family circle. But we still managed to meet on Saturdays at Opah’s place, only the topics discussed and talked about changed.

Remember when we were bored (again) in Kampung and took Tok’s car to Lumut, we ended up taking the ferry to Pangkor, almost missed the last ferry back and got a long lecture afterwards?
Remember the family trip to Kuala Terengganu, when we went to visit Makcik Teh’s family? When all three cars kena saman for speeding ;-) and we spent the day in Pulau Kapas..

Remember when we watched Juon at Pakcik Yon’s place one raya and everyone was afraid to go to the toilet, we sort of squeezed into one car to go back to opah’s house?

There were good times. I miss my cousins. Now that most of us have our own lives, our own little families to care for we don’t really hang out anymore. We just see each other during Raya or family gatherings or with quick updates via facebook.

Like I said I was feeling nostalgic. So congratulations to Medina, our makan dates and weekly gatherings at Opah’s place wont be the same without you!

Sunday, October 4, 2009


I think every parent would like to think of their children in the best possible way, I think every relationship or bond that a parent develops with their children is as simple and as complicated as that four letter L word that lingers around everyone's life.

The other day, I had kind of a bad day and we were late fetching Ayra back from my aunty's place, I had a splitting headache ( I think I need glasses!) and when she was in the car and we were saying our goodbye's for the day, she sort of made a face and reached out her hands to my aunty wanting to stay. My heart broke and I cried quietly all the way back home.
How do you 'merajuk' with a seven month old anyway?

I did not feel angry mostly just sad, and the usual thoughts of guilt made me feel slightly psychotic throughout the day. I wonder if every working mum out there feels the same?

Another ' heart was ripped out of chest incident' happened just the other day when I had to attend a course for a few days. Previously we had spent almost a week together for the Raya holidays and she was used to me being around.

She was being fidgety and cranky, and when I put on my hijab, and passed her to Muji ( mama's helper) she reached out both her hands to me and said 'mema'.
I swear I had to drag my feet out the door and my already fragile heart broke into millions and millions of pieces.

She can babble now, and has learned to say ' Mema' to call me and ' Dada' to call daddy. And ' nenenene' for breastmilk.

So ayra, this is sort of an open letter to you, I hope when you grow up into your teenage years ( insyallah) and your full of hormones and in your I hate everyone stage, Please remember that I love you even if am being wonky difficult or old and that I will always love you and even if you're angry and mad at me to keep my heart intact and in a safe place.

It can only break so many times you know?
Oh and its 5am in the morning and I'am doing your laundry. So later when you work and earn your millions a coach bag, dior sunglasses, louboutin heels and a nice spa treat would be nice. HeHeHe.

Love you Waiwa.

* Mama*