I had one of my morning talks with afiko, and we were discussing my slow progress in generating byline stories - serious stories.
I was complaning and whining my lack of real talent - I mean I cant sing I dance to my own tunes - which is mostly shaking my body from left to right and whole lot of clapping I’am mostly quiet - I only speak when spoken to unless I’am very comfortable with the person ( people often make the mistake that just because I’am not babbling about world issues I’am not thinking about them)I just dont think useless chatter will change anything. I believe in quiet determination. Really I do.
Guess this growing up business has left me a little jaded. I mean with everything that’s happening in the world in my country who wouldnt be>
Well I’am not going to discuss politics now. Anyways afiko was telling me that I shouldnt be so negative and that I should believe in my own writing abilities and sooner or later everything will flow.
Unfortunately the pessimist in me rears its ugly head sometimes. I’am starting to think that maybe I’am not such a great writer after all. Maybe I”am just average. Maybe I’am believing in some ghostly invisible talent.
My assignment lead me to a secluded art gallery smack in the middle of Kuala Lumpur, nearby my opah’s place. I immediately felt at home. As I was talking to the artists about their works, I began to feel ashamed of my lack of passion.
It was then that I decided, that I will not lose the will try. I will not lose my ability to be excited. I’am going to look at everything in every fresh angle possible. I will not be defeated even if they’re going throw everything against me. I will do justice to every small little story ever.
I will believe that I’am a writer and Allah gave me this talent to affect change, to do the best I can. And any good story written will be because of his blessings, any not anything else.
So. If the decision sways in any way I will accept. But I will not quit. Just wasnt brought up that way.