Saturday, March 3, 2012

Momsters 101

I  have and will always have a bad allergic reaction to know-it-alls. And in the world of parenting these species are in abundance. SIGH.

After my 1200 encounter with what I would like to label as 'momsters' I just feel that I needed to write it off my chest- oh you KNOW these types. I bet you have met them at least once after you  gained your all- access card to the weird and wonderful world of parenthood. You can spot them a mile away or at least hear them babbling on and on and on and on about how great and advanced their offspring is. And if you're really unlucky GASP they might come in the form of a family member. YOU have my sympathies. I will pray for your sanity.

I swear ‘monsters’ are secretly trained somewhere in a dessert to expertly spot and annoy helpless moms like me whose child is currently rolling on the supermarket floor screaming at the top of her lungs for chocolates with a wet diaper.

As soon as they get that glint in their eyes and your in their view with screaming uncooperative toddler in tow, Run like your life depended on it, because this 'friendly' encounter is going to make you sick like your first few months of pregnancy.

This is so obviously going to be rant and its definitely your choice if you would like to read any further.

I do not know why as the fairer species we need to be damn competitive about every single damned thing. What happened to being supportive? What happened to the sisterhood? Yup I hear the cricket sounds too.

I was confused at first during my very first encounter with mrs momster, because naively I thought that as mature women with children there should be support system we should be patting each other's back for a job well done for just being the best that we could for our child.

Because everyone knows its difficult and if you're going to tell me your experience was a walk in a park and super easy, to you I would like to give  'the finger' because you are so obviously lying. Do not smile sweetly in my face and tell  me that you did not at all feel a little twinge of guilt or doubt over your choices, the sickening feel in your stomach trying to balance housework, children and a career. Don't get me started on the sleepless nights.

 I get it that as mom’s you would like to celebrate little achievements or milestones in your child’s life. No one is asking you not to. Heck I get that fuzzy wuzzy feeling too everytime  Ayra gets something done, or is just 'behaving'.

But it gets a little tiring if not terribly annoying when your constantly talking about or ranting about your children’s achievements no matter how miniscule and more so if you’re being competitive with other mom’s and gloating about your excellent parenting skills to lesser beings.

Look I get it that your precious offspring is wonderfully behaved in public and at home, was toilet trained at four months, has a large vocabulary, can recite Shakespeare and religious books, and is finally grasping the concept of quantum physics.WONDERFUL CONGRATULATIONS YOU’RE THE BEST MOTHER EVER. HAPPY NOW?

Your children are probably perfect  little angels who never soiled their clothes, stuffed a cookie in the sofa or ate their crayons or their play doh.

But there are other things besides your children. I swear. Yes they mean the world to you, but as self-indulging as it sounds I also have interests outside of Ayra and sometimes its just a nice break to talk about other things than  developmental milestones like who was able to breastfeed the easiest or longest, whose baby first started sleeping through the night,  whose baby started rolling/crawing/walking the earliest, who's baby spoke the first word etc. What schools are you thinking about? How many naps does she take in a day? You have to start to get her to read? All these can fill a book.

There is no doubt that my Ayra is just a normal three year old, there is nothing extra-ordinary. We are still in the midst of toilet training her and yes there are accidents, sometimes she stills BF’s to go to sleep. She thinks furniture is gym equipment and jumps on them constantly. She has a wonderfully mixed crazy vocabulary with very bad grammar. She can’t read yet but loves books and no she is not attending any prestigious playschool. And when she does go to school she would probably scream her lungs out on her first day like a very normal kid.

She doesn’t have to be taller, fairer, chubbier, more well behaved than average or know the difference between vowels and consonants or keep up with the expectations as a momster. You can micro-control and chart your own offspring achievements. I love her the way she is. All her quirks and phases. Because as just a normal average mom that is what you do. Just love well with a little bit of screaming-tearing my hair out occasionally :P

Because despite her so-called perceived imperfections and mine in my opinion we are currently doing ok. Not excellent, far from perfect but we will live.

So its okay if you want to be supportive ,marvel or cry at how crazy and topsy  turvy your life can get once your a parent and share experiences, but its not ok to think you’re a better parent than anyone else and shove your opinions down people’s throat.

 I do not like it when mothers ask me when Ayra started doing this or that as a way to start going on about their child and how 'advanced' he or she is.   Yes mamas, you know who you are and I am on to you! 

P/S geniuses are almost always a little bit psychotic anyway. So the best of luck to you when your little darling starts solving calculus problems while slicing their ears at the same time :)