The Bikini Cut. Battle Scars and Baby 101, and Emil a whole paragraph dedicated to YOU!

My c- section scar looks like The Joker. Red. Evil and Smiling damn it. It should not look so happy when it hurts like crazy.!! My tummy looks like a kangaroo pouch but not as adorable, my skin is going haywire plus I’am sweating like miss piggy. Yarkhhhhhhhhhh. Issues. Issues. Issues.

And yes these things make me go crazy and I shouldn’t be so VAIN. But I’am so there.

Besides that I feel exhausted. I didn’t know that such a little person can be so much work!! She’s been home a week but to me it seems like a lifetime (I’m not complaining just simply amazed that a 3kg human can take so much out of you)

Ayra Rayyan the day we took her home from the hospital- the H has issues with pink things so we dressed her up in white and blue!

Plus there is so much to learn, and I did not have a clue that breastfeeding would be super challenging and would hurt!I guess the most useful advice I got was from Kak Shikin, who told me to sleep a lot during my late pregnancy as your sleeping patterns would never be the same. SO TRUE!!

The thing that is making me a bit blue is the operation I had which makes me wayyy too dependent with everyone around me – I hate being dependent and not being able to care for Ayra properly. But everyone around the house have been helping me a lot, terima kasih daun keladi – but I wish I could do the most of the regular things on my own like giving Ayra a bath, cuddling her while walking, and taking a bath! (Ish I hate not being mobile. )And I hate not being able to properly bathe since I have to keep the cut dry so that it would heal properly.

Taking a bath now takes me more than an hour its like a whole ritual where I have to cover the incision with plastic that’s used to cover food, so that it stays dry and then after my bath I need to use a hairdryer to dry the scar further. I can’t bend yet so which makes everything complicated.

I have to use ‘suam’ water which is boiling water mix with cold water to bathe and I’am still bleeding - so I need to change pads, and then because of the suam water my breast leaks as well so then I need breast pads ( I feel very padded mcm ice hockey punya goalie!) By the time I’am done and feel decently clean, Ayra needs to have her bath which is like a major workout and I start sweating again…..SIGH.

How does Angelina Jolie look so so good damn it, I hate her.

But, I'am glad that Ayra's well and drinking a LOT of milk which is a good sign, I'am so glad that she's home with me and everything is worth it when I see her face even with just one eye open -- she likes to wink and has lazy sepet eyes. Sorryla here I go babbling about my baby, can't help it she is kinda rockin my world now literally ;-)

Ayra in her first dress! She was expecting her first visit from Lola Lin and Tok so I thought it was the correct occasion! I heart obaibi ( its a baby store) which sells clothes that fit nicely! Tok also gave her bath, thank you tok!

Assalamualaikum! wink wink tee hee. No big eyes but still adorable none the less. At least I think so, tak kisahla whatever people want to say heh!

My sister emil called the other day and I couldn't layan her properly and was not really my drama crazy self because they were guests in the house!! Sorry Emil -- I love you!!! tapi susah la nak gossip byk byk when there's people around. Actually I have like a thousand things to tell you - - - can't wait till you can come back and meet budak kechik nie!!! Oh and kinda posted a byk jugak piccies for you to see. Suka tak?