Random thoughts & Jottings of nonsensical observations from the heart and occasionally the head of Ili Liyana Mokhtar
' The mind can calculate, but the spirit yearns and the heart knows what the heart knows '
excuse the sengal picture of yours truly, my daughter looks beautiful in it. ;-)
I'am sitting here in my little space at work, missing you.This month has been rough.I feel so defeated, so tensed like a time bomb waiting to explode. There is noise everywhere. Paper scattered on the floor. Useless meaningless chatter and a dozen people walking about. But I still feel alone. I'am only hanging on because of you. Despite what people think. I have experienced it before the difficulty of not having options. I can't let that happen to you, so I won't and I trudge along when actually I want to quit. Its not about the shoes or the little indulgences I allow myself sometimes. People misunderstand.Its not about things. Its about love. It would be easy to just throw up my hands in defeat tell everyone I can't do it anymore, raise the white flag. But you're under my care now. And that can't happen. So I will take the bullets. The unfair judgments towards my choices my character. The little mean comments wrapped in nice packages or mixed with sugar. They don't see the difficulty of it all the struggle for balance. But its okay one smile and I know its worth everything.