the hardest thing

SO far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life is work and be a mom at the same time. Actually I don't really favour the term 'working mom', basically all mom's are working moms, just with different challenges.

practicing our left wing unconventional posses;-)

What I want to talk about and put on record here is the challenges of a mom working outside away from home and with a crazy schedule, plus shifts.


*mari insert iklan kat sini untuk tabik spring to mama* 


The great balancing act. *susah hokay sometimes rasa nak nangis balik rumah to mama* * hahahaha tak habis habis nak duduk bawah ketiak mama* 


I have to deal with schedules, roster my time at least two months before, plan outfits for work a week ahead, Ayra is starting to eat more now so I have to plan menu's for her cause she is a fussy eater, at the same time I'm struggling to wean her off BM.


Ayra also has the energy of  ten men at 8.30pm at night when I pick her up.


Couple that with major guilt trips yeah you get my drift.


That is why everytime people tell me they're tired I wonder how tired they really are. Because everytime I say I'm tired I'am really dead tired. I'm so tired, it would take severe effort to even mention that I was tired or spell the word tired. 


There is so much to do and so little time. I wake up earlier than anyone else , When I get back from work, there is laundry and dishes waiting, and as my head barely touches the pillow, Its another day.


So why did I choose to work? Because I grew up with a working mom and she made it work, we didn't turn out perfect, there were some bumps growing up. But my siblings are the most grounded wonderful full of personality people I know, with their heads firmly rooted on their shoulders. 


As elaborated earlier. It was a choice I made. Yes there is an enormous sense of guilt in fact I think the guilt never really goes away. BUT I feel that I can be better parent if I'am given my space to grow as well. Different people will have different choices and I'am not penalising any of them, this is just how I feel. 


I like the sense of being independent and being able to contribute to the family income. I like it that I pay for my own stuff and I don't need to ask the H for pocket money. I like it that if something happens, I can support my daughter and I like it that Ayra already has savings.

These things are important to me. Other parents might have other ideas.

And if I can achieve half of what parents did, I would consider myself successful. I'am trying to raise one little person. They raised five. So if they can do it so can I.