Sometimes you forget God. You wander a little bit far from the path. Sometimes further. Like someone cast an obliaviate spell on you and you got confused, felt like something never existed. In short you got lost.
It happens to me. No matter how hard my subconscious tries to tell me to remember. I put other things first, work, chores, family obligations. Till I get tired mentally.physically. A certain kind of numbness wraps you tight and you can't sleep.
Submission its a difficult thing. To submit to something is like admitting you're weak. Incapable of doing something without help. I hate that feeling.
But that's the thing we are weak. We forget that. Trials and tribulations are often weaved into our lives to make us remember of our weakness so we fall on our knees and pray.
Not the rushed type. Not the I want to get this over type so I feel like I'm a good human being. The real prayer. The one when no one is looking in the middle of the night and its quiet. The one where you totally admit you are nothing. The one where you sit there and whisper your sorrows.
Total submission. No arrogance. No pretensions.
You know how he loves us? Not in big grandiose ways. But in the small blessings. I would be the first to admit that I 'am not the religious type. I've missed my prayers. Been lost. But somehow when I really needed a wakeup call or some small favour and if I just submitted. More often than not a miracle would happen.
Like today. I forgot to charge my phone. Everyone knows a phone is a journalists life-line. I had missed my Zuhur rushing to get Ayra's stuff for school packed, her school uniform ironed and was running around to find her socks. In between that I had an assignment at 3pm and was trying to get myself ready.
By the time I was on the way to Serdang my phone battery was almost nil. To make matters worst, I had forgotten to charge my portable charger as well. Zero phone battery even before the blinking assignment started.
I said a little prayer in my head. I said O pleaseeee. I know I've been forgetting, but only you can help me now. I won't be able to brief my bosses if my phone is dead and it will just make everything difficult. Just please ease my path for me. I also had no idea how I was going to travel back to my office in Bangsar.
After a while, a guy guides us to where we are supposed to sit. I sat next to girl I've never met and I sort of tell her that my phone batteries are dying. She pulls out a portable charger and offers to charge my phone!
And then while I was worrying about how I was going to go home, a familiar face walks up I see my colleague and I get a lift home.
All small things. But proofs of love none the less.
so. This is another prayer. Please don't ever let me forget or be lost. I understand now how submission makes you the stronger person. the better person. the grace. Please let me be guided. Let my children be guided. Keep us on the straight path.
Amin/
